Currently Watching Absolutely Fabulous - Complete Series 1-3 see related

Life. Ha. Ha. Ha?

So many times life makes me screw up my eyes and say, "Wha?"

One might suppose that by now I would be used to the neverending somersaults and turns that keep me moving.  But, *sighs* of course that would make sense.

And when have I ever made sense? 

For those of you who love to be "in the know," (which I know is an ever-dwindling group.  That's ok, I'm cool with the few, the proud, the friends of the neurotic) [speaking of which, I have been using the word neurotic far too much recently.  I just need to accept that I am who I am, and that's ok.  Everyone knows that I'm neurotic, and I don't need to continuously remind them of that obvious fact.  I mean, my friends are still my friends despite this characteristic.  It's charming, right?] (ok, longest interjection ever) (I mean seriously, you might think I was Thoreau (or Dickens. . .*ulcgh*) by how long [technically] this sentence is) I am dropping out of college.  Yes, indeed.  Emily the high-school drop-out is now also a college dropout.  Again.  Officially, I'm not taking time off.  I intend to go back, but I have no intention of putting a time limit on that return. 

I'm tired of spending $20,000 (on the low estimate) per year so that I can continuously fuck up. . . or rather, I'm not fucking up, but I'm so utterly distracted that school makes no sense right now.  School is a neverending cycle of dread and avoidance.  I'm constantly so tired from trying to understand my life and the people in it, from trying to continuously use healthy communication skills and first experience, then understand, then appropriately handle my emotions. . . I'm emotionally exhausted all the time.  Then I get to come home from work and work myself into a guilt frenzy because I absolutely don't want to do homework or anything school oriented.  I mean, if I went to class, isn't that enough???

So. 

-Peace and Love-

PS-  I did something crazy today, spur of the moment.      *dramatic pause*   I shaved. 

Currently Listening Less Talk, More Rock By Propagandhi see related

So I'm a sucker for surveys

FIRSTS:
First screen name: emico

First car: Mick.  He was beautiful.  And he got like 40 miles to the gallon.
First self purchased CD: Hmmm. . . I think it was No Doubt, Tragic Kingdom
First pets: Ariel.  She lives with me. 
First piercing/tattoo: Ears pierced at 6.

LASTS:
Last car ride: from the library to home
Last kiss: Vito
Last phone call: My big brother
Last time showered: morning
Last shoes worn: Black flats.  I broke glass and didn't want to cut my feet.
Last song played: Wilco- Company in my back
Last item bought: Used books/magazines at the library
Last annoyance: School.
Last shirt worn: Mickey Mouse T-shirt.  It was my dad's.
Last website visited: myspace
Last word/s you said: “Love you hon, bye.”
Last song you sang: See last song played
What color of underwear are you wearing? white.  yeah, I'm boring today.
What's under your bed? Cats.  Knitting supplies.  Dust.
What time did you wake up today?: First: 10.00.  For real at 10.45

FUTURE:
Where are you going to live? Somewhere, I think.
How many kids do you want? Three.
What kind of car(s): A small car that's good on gas.

CURRENT:
Current mood: Surprisingly good.
Current music: Still Wilco. 
Current taste: Orbit Citrusmint gum.
Current hair: Long, auburn, and frassled by the weather.

Current clothes: Long flowy, bluish skirt, Red stripey, funky shirt.
Current annoyance(s): My dad.  The distance between Grand Rapids and Detroit.  Money.
Current desktop picture: John Williams Waterhouse painting. . ."The Soul of the Rose"
Current book: Still working on Dubliners.  I've been distracted.
Current hate: Hmm. . . I'm not really feeling the hate.

CHECK:
(x) - you've done
(_) - you haven't done

(x) been drunk
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(_) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back

(_) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger -
(_) stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in time square
(_) gone on a blind date
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to Europe
(x) skipped school 
(x) cut myself on purpose 
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die
(_) been to Africa
(x) Punched a friend when playing around
(x) Been to Canada  
(_) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) Thrown up in a bar
(_) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(_) Been Snowboarding 
(X) Met someone in person from the internet
(_) Been moshing at a concert
(X) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(_) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
(_) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now 

UNIQUE:
1. Nervous Habits? Running my hands through my hair.  Touching the 'crook' of my nose (I'm not actually sure that there is such a thing as a "crook" in the nose, but there's this place on mine that I tend to touch)
2. Are you double jointed? In my thumb.
3. Can you roll your tongue? yes.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? Of course.  Can you move your ears? One at a time
5. Can you blow spit bubble? I wish.
6. Can you cross your eyes? I can even cross them one at a time.
7. Tattoos? Nope

8. Piercings and where? Two in each ear.  Nose Stud.

CLOTHES:
10. Which shoe goes on first? Like I notice or keep it consistent.
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? I don't remember having done so.
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? Minimum $20, bank for work 
14. Favorite piece of clothing? My jean shirt/jacket.

FOOD:
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl, silly.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam?  Maybe once long ago. Spam-Spam-Spammity-Spam
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? Dulce de Leche (Haagen Dazs) or Coffee. 
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? None at the moment.  Bare Cupboad. 

// Ver. 1

--Name: Emily Sarah Stauffer
--Birthdate: June 30th, 1985
--Birthplace: St. Mary's Hospital, GR, MI
--Current Location: Comfy Couch.
--Eye color: Green.
--Hair color: Auburn.
--Height: 5'10"
--Righty or Lefty: Righty.
--Zodiac Sign: Cancer
--Innie or Outtie: Innie.

// Ver. 2 - Describe

--Your Heritage: 25% Mexican. The rest is an amalgam of French-Canadian, Scottish, Irish, Swiss, English, and some other Euro-trash, I'm sure. 
--The Shoes You Wore Today: Flip-flops mostly.
--Your Weakness: Why would I tell you?
--Your Fears: Being a spinster with 49 cats.  Fucking things up with boyfriend.

-Your Perfect Pizza: Lots of cheese.  More cheese.  Yup more.  Then some green olives, onions, mushrooms, and more cheese. 
--One thing You'd Like to Achieve: something.

// Ver.3

--What is your most overused phrase?: Don't judge me.  Hi my name is Emily and I'll be taking care of you today.  Our special. . .
--Your first thoughts waking up: mornings are gross
--The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Smile/Eyes, Shoulders. . . shoulders are hot.
--Your best physical features: My eyes, my neck, my hips, and apparently my ass. 
--Your bedtime: what's that?
--Greatest Fear: We already covered this.
--Your Most Missed Memory: Being safe.

// Ver.4

--Pepsi or Coke: Coffee.
--McDonald's or Burger King: Uh, Coffee.  And Taco Bell.

--Single or Group Dates: Group dates weird me out.
--Adidas or Nike: Slave labor
--Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends on the mood.
--Cappucino or coffee: Coffee.

// Ver.5

--Do you smoke?: On occasion.
--cuss?: Fuck yeah.  I mean, on occasion.
--Sing Well?: So-so.
--think you've been love?: That's a tough answer.
--want to go to college: Maybe someday.
--Liked High School?: Some parts.
--Want to get married?: Yes
--Type with fingers on the right keys: Um, yeah.  gradeschool computer class. . .
--Get motion sickness: Not really
--Think you're attractive: just over half the time.
--Think you're a health freak: absolutely not.
--Get along with parents: I suppose
--Like Thunderstorms: Mmmm. . . sexy.  Rain.  Thunderstorms.  They're more than wonderful.

// Ver.6 - in the past 6 monthes, did/have you:

--Consumed Alcohol: Yes
--Have Sex: Nope.
--Made Out: yes.
--Gone On Date: yes.
--Go To the Mall: Sorry to say so.
--Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Girl Scout Cookies?
--Eaten Sushi: yep
--Gone Skating: No.  I'd probably kill myself
--Made Homemade cookies: yup
--Been in Love: Haven't we covered this, too?
--Gone Skinny Dipping: No
--Dyed your hair: It's been a few years.
--Stolen Anything: Doubt it.

// Ver.7

--Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: No

--Been trashed or completely intoxicated: Do I look that innocent?

--Been caught "doing something"?: No.
--Been Called a "Tease": I certainly hope so.
--Shoplifted?: Does string count?

// Ver.8

Currently Listening A Ghost Is Born By Wilco see related

My Foot Hurts

So.

Another Holiday in the making.  Nothing beats the holidays like family.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my family, and I would in no way be where I am today without them.

But then again, I wouldn't be where I am today, without them. 

I am exhaustified, and I feel like I have accomplished nothing.  I'm not sure what to do with things in my life.  Where do certain thoughts go?  Why do I do some things?  Why not others?  Where am I?

God, I sound like a confused 20 year old. 

On a completely different note, I love candy.  I'm just realizing that this year I won't have truckloads of candy from Easter.  I just ate most of the candy from a lovely basket I received from Susan Walborn.  However, I would love some milk chocolate at this particular moment.  That is my weakness.  Cheap milk chocolate.  Like Hershey's.  Or mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. 

I need to stop thinking about them.  I'm drooling.

If you celebrate it, then Happy Easter to you.  If you don't, then Happy April 16th. 

-Peace and Love-

Currently Listening Left & Leaving By The Weakerthans Someone is becoming addicted... see related

Boys Are Icky

Title is in honor of Ryan.  Not that Ryan is icky.  Ryan, you understand.

Today was another fabulous day in the life.  I woke up to a breakfast invite from my brother, which is always wonderful.  I didn't have to work at all, so I basically bummed around from place to place.  It was wonderful to just wander into Vertigo because I felt like it.  Herm helped me find a few new cds, and I wandered around Goodwill.  I got a parking ticket because I completely forgot to put coins in.  Oh well, there's another ten bucks down the drain. 

It was raining all morning.  One of those beautiful, dreary sort of spring rains.  I loved it.

How is it that I always forget just how much I loathe the mall?  One would think that by this time I would have learned, but no.  Apparently not.  I went to Marshall Field's today, and was, as usual, overwhelmed by the ridiculousness of it all.  I passed by two gorgeous skirts that I had to stop and look at.  The first one cost $120, the second $135. 

I mean, seriously. 

Then tonight I went to Meijer to get some photos developed.  While I was there, I decided that it was time for me to use my last line of defense.  I've been on the lookout for a "new" pair of jeans for a long time, but I've had no luck.  I refuse to spend more than $30 dollars on a pair of jeans.  In fact, $15 is a bit of a splurge.  Meijer has always been the place I could find jeans that fit when no one else had any. 

Meijer sucks. 

I honest to God hate shopping for jeans.  I spent so many years of my life learning to first accept and later love (in some way) my body.  Especially my curves.  Sure, sure, they're sexy, yada yada yada, but they're impossible to clothe well.  Somehow, though, through years of struggle, I've found a place where I'm proud of my hips.  They're big, but damn!  They can be wonderful. 

What pisses me off is that everytime I shop for jeans all that struggle and work disappears.  I'm just a forlorn little girl standing in front of a mirror in unflattering lighting, wearing jeans that make her look like some sort of dishevelled pear or buffoon.  Then I have to go back and rebuild all those thoughts that make it possible for me to smile at my own reflection. 

Fuck. 

I still need jeans.

-Peace and Love-

Currently Listening Lonesome Crowded West By Modest Mouse see related

What the Hell?

*grrrrrr* . . . . .

You may want to ignore this, as there is an excess of PMS in my system. 

Seriously.  I'm so tired of being shit on.  That's probably too strong a word for the situation at hand, but I'm pretty pissed, so I don't really care too much.  I can't count on anybody. 

I don't mean that I expect people to be perfect and to never let me down.  I'm not that stupid.  I know that I'm human.  I know I've let people down.  But damn, I'm pretty sure that my record of "being there" is pretty good.  Letting people down is not my standard. 

Well, maybe it is.  I'm not in a great position to be able to judge myself. 

What really pisses me off, though, is that not only do people not come through for me, but I never expect them too.  In any capacity.  Once again, let me add a disclaimer explaining that I understand the failings of human nature. 

But.

It shouldn't shock me when someone actually does call me back.  I'm shocked when anyone calls me back.  Maybe shock is extreme.  I'm vastly surprised, though.  I'm surprised when someone says they are going to call me, and then does.  I'm surprised when someone remembers me.  Why?  Because it seems like no one ever does. 

urg. 

-peace and . . . . love, i guess-